Monthly Archives: May 2012

by wannabefarmers | May 30, 2012 · 11:44 pm

Amish Bingo

It’s a game Ted and I invented for whenever we drive out to where the Amish live to buy plants for the garden (like the time I introduced Ted to Intercourse). The idea is like those old-school car trip Bingo cards, and it was born out of the following discussion:

Ted: Come see an authentic Amish working farm? Like a theme park attraction?

Me: Yep, people make a vacation out of it.

Ted: Out of what? It’s all Amish people, farms and outlet malls.

Me: Exactly.

Ted: What am I missing? I mean the view is pretty and all.

Me: Nothing. I don’t get it either. People come out here to watch the Amish people doing their Amish stuff, kind of like going to the zoo. We should totally make up an Amish Bingo card. I bet the authentic Amish Farm gift shop would sell them.

Ted: With ideas like these, how can we not get rich and famous?

And then, we started noting Bingo items. Amish horse & buggy, Amish horse & buddy rides, Amish horse & plow, horse shit in the road, Amish on a bike, Amish on a scooter, Amish laundry line, Amish Smorgasbord, Amish Souvenir Shop, Amish furniture, Amish hex signs, Amish barn raising, disappointing Amish with electricity, Dutch Wonderland. You can see how all of this warrants a weekend away right?

The two best were…

Amish Volleyball Tournament*

Seriously. The Amish love them some volleyball. Who knew?

And…

Amish Stop Sign

*Note: No Amish were harmed in the making of this blog post. The Volleyball Tournament picture was lifted from the interwebs. We don’t take pictures of people without their permission. Or, we don’t take them and put them on our public blog. We may or may not take them and make fun of them on Facebook.

In unrelated news, it is the youngest spawn’s 13th birthday today. They really do grow up THAT fast.

14 Comments

Filed under flowers, garden, gardening, growdammit, Random, Yes, We Went There

Tagged as Amish, Amish farm, Amish Volleyball, Bingo, Pennsylvania Dutch

by wannabefarmers | May 25, 2012 · 2:05 am

Warrior Dash Part 2

As promised, some pics. None of them depict my inherent Weenieness from the actual Warrior Dash.

Warrior Dash Before

Warrior Dash After

Two Fisting with one tucked into the armpit. That is talent people. That is Jill.

Never thought I’d ever get hit with a fire hose…and enjoy it.

Wue, the hottest Older Than Dirt Birthday Girl Ever.

Scariest obstacle was the van ride there and home.

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Filed under garden, gardening, growdammit, Rufus Dragon, Yes, We Went There

Tagged as Mud, Turkey Leg, Vikings, Warrior Dash

by wannabeted | May 23, 2012 · 12:06 am

Roasted tomato -basil vinaigrette.

So this is what’s on my mind. Tomato-basil vinaigrette. I’m trying to come up with the weekly specials for work.. Farmer Chele comes with the good ideas… We’ll get together and brainstorm. It’s cool. The tomato vin is gonna be a fuckin’ HIT. Drizzle it over some big ‘ol fat daddy Diver scallops.OH! Then we’ll hit the top of the scallop with some basil pasto that’s mixed in with some panko (For a little crunch). Next we’ll hit ‘em with some butter poached leeks and Wadmalaw sweet onions… throw that on a lobster roll…..Shit. That’ll work.

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Filed under Random

by wannabefarmers | May 20, 2012 · 8:48 pm

Warriors and a Weenie

If you recall, I recently suspected my friends of trying to kill me. If you don’t, you can read about it here.

Yesterday, we ran the Warrior Dash. My plotting friends were foiled because I am indeed still alive. Take that friends. I am relatively unscathed other than a bruise on my thigh and one on my ass. We became Warriors! Rather, my friends became Warriors, and I am an enormous Weenie. I’m okay with that because, like I said I’m unscathed. I skipped most of the obstacles. By most, I mean all but 2 3/4. I climbed over a few walls and under a few barbed wire fences. I went down the ginormous water slide, where I’m pretty sure I got the butt bruise and Hepatitis from the mouthful of muddy water I inhaled at the end. And I jumped over the low burning end of the wall of fire, pretty much where the logs had stopped burning. What? I have a fear of heights, and I’m terrified of falling. Especially terrified of falling into a pile of burning logs. I only skipped the obstacle at the end where you climb through a mud pit under barbed wire, because I had wrenched my back a little on the block wall obstacle and was worried I couldn’t physically do it not because I was scared to do it like the other obstacles. At least I’m a smart Weenie, and know my limitations. Don’t worry, my friends made sure that I was good and covered by their mud pit mud at the finish line. One of my friends was so enthusiastically making sure it covered my chest that I had to point out she was feeling me up on camera in front of 25,000 people. We got marginally clean by joining a mosh pit being sprayed by firehoses, grabbed our free beers, ate a turkey leg and went back to my friend’s farm which I have loving dubbed…

The Shithole

We continued the “Old as Dirt” 50th bday celebrations with fine wine and nosh and two more friends I had never met before. That is how I ended up sleeping with a woman I just met yesterday. Wue-Hoo!!

I have to get permission from all parties to put pics of us at the Dash up. If they all agree, I’ll put them up tomorrow. If they don’t, just imagine a group of 7 hotties covered in mud from head to toe. Well, 6 hotties and a Weenie.

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Filed under garden, growdammit, Rufus Dragon, Yes, We Went There

Tagged as farm, river, sunrise, Warrior Dash

by wannabefarmers | May 17, 2012 · 12:47 am

This was supposed to be a post about dumpster diving…

Or, how we are teaching the spawn a lesson in being frugal.

There is a house around the corner that is being renovated after being sold at a sheriff’s auction and the tenants were finally evicted. Anyway, they had a great wooden three tiered garden bench in the front yard for a long time and I kept meaning to ask if we could have it. We kind of figured they were going to hang on to it b/c they had placed a rather large boulder on top of it, kind of like they didn’t want anyone to steal it in the middle of the night. Not that something like that had occurred to us.

Today, we drove by and noticed that they had tossed this beautiful, old bench into the dumpster. Ted and the spawn promptly took a ladder down there to retrieve it.

The Dragon was concerned that the tall man and the spawn left the property.

Alas, Ted & spawn came back empty handed. They had first broken it into bits. What a waste. No gardening bench for us. Or, pics for you.

Instead, we have actual garden pics from the GrowDammit gardens…

GrowDammit Lettuce

Who knew lettuce flowers?

The raspberries are coming along despite being munch on by Bambi earlier in the Spring.

Strawberries for the Badelves.

Tomatoes & Pepper in the ground w/ tomatillos and okra to come.

GrowDammit Tomatoes

GrowDammit Peppers

GrowDammit Herbs w/ a new addition…Thai Cilantro!

Yes, we need to weed. Yes, we need to finish putting up fence. Yes, there is more to plant. We are getting our GrowDammit on!

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Filed under Actually About The Garden, garden, gardening, growdammit, Rufus Dragon, Spawn, Yes, We Went There

Tagged as dumpster diving, herbs, lettuce, peppers, raspberries, strawberries, tomato

by wannabefarmers | May 15, 2012 · 2:06 am

Thank you Justin Timberlake. I think.

Farmer Ted always says that Sex Sells. And, he is right. I can’t remember what prompted me to check the site stats on our old blog, probably to see if our latest blast from the pasts had people clicking to read the old stuff and the comments. You are not. However, people are still finding the old blog and reading from the following search terms…

: Happy Birthday!

Not surprising to us is that we are being found by people searching for Moms in thongs. Because that was the real crux of our post about my ass dress. Slightly surprising is that people are finding us by searching for Justin Timberlake’s junk as a birthday surprise. More surprising and unlikely, they were looking for Andy Sandberg’s package. Our apologies to the to the person who found us innocently searching for a bible quote.

Bare with us people. We actually have GrowDammit garden stuff to blog, but it is monsoon season outside right now for today. And, most of tomorrow.

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Filed under garden, gardening, Random, Yes, We Went There

Tagged as ass dress, dick in a box, Justin Timberlake, thong mom

by wannabefarmers | May 14, 2012 · 2:04 am

Dear Mother…

Another Mother’s Day has come and gone. If you know anything about me, you know that I am not a fan of ”Hallmark Holidays.’ You can read more about that here. I don’t believe that an obligatory day should be set aside to celebrate a person (unless it’s a birthday) and make them feel special. I especially don’t get behind the notion that it takes store bought cards, expensive gifts, flowers and meals out to do this either. Hey, if you do…to each her own. I don’t judge, but I don’t want it. Unless, it’s from the heart and not the debit card. I’m not so cold blooded that I don’t want the day to go by completely unacknowledged. There’s no pressure to make it my perfect day is all. The spawn are well aware of this.

The youngest spawn presented me this morning with a beautiful handmade card and the offer of making me an omelet. Unfortunately, I had already eaten breakfast because I got up early to drive the eldest spawn to work at Ted’s restaurant. Then I got the offer to do whatever I wanted for the rest of the day, “unless that entails a trip to Mars because I don’t have the ability to get you there…Yet.” Don’t believe for one minute that the youngest spawn doesn’t have plans for this to happen in his quest for world domination. This card almost topped the card a few years ago where he made MOM an acronym to be:

M = Magnificent

O = Obedient

M= Mom

Obedient? LMFAO. It could have been Obtuse, so I’m choosing to think Obedient was a compliment? I digress.

The eldest spawn, on the way to work told me, “Oh Yeah, Happy Mother’s Day. I would tell you I got you something, but then that would be a lie. And I’m not a liar. Beside, you said you didn’t want anything.” He really isn’t a liar. This ties as the best Mother’s Day gift ever, along with the homemade cards that are the youngest spawn’s specialties.

I had a whole My Spawn are Perfect vibe going.

And then, another gift presented itself in an odd way. I was outside shooting the shit with Chef Ted about the day at his restaurant, where they served 550 breakfast/lunch covers for Mother’s Day, when the battle between the spawn erupted inside. I have no idea what triggered it, but it boiled down to who could yell at who about who the biggest asshole was and involved slamming doors and more yelling accusations between the spawn.

And, the whole my “My Spawn are Perfect” bubble was burst. It happens.

I didn’t have high hopes for supper. Tempers flared and nasty feelings were in the air. But, we all sat down to a family meal. We told stories about our day, and other times. And, the family meal vibe healed all hurt feelings. The spawn eventually shook hands, and even went out to play soccer in the front yard while clean-up happened. My Spawn are Perfect again at the end of another Mother’s Day.

The Blast From the Past are pics from last Mother’s Day, since we didn’t get one this year…we pretty much look the same.

Things are afoot in the GrowDammit Gardens…

but, we aren’t quite ready to post about anything. So, here’s another blast from the past. And it’s a two-for! Ted versus the ceiling and Rufus Dragon versus the Parmesan Cheese.

Be careful what you wish for…

Since it was once again too cold to garden, Ted took the hint and attacked the ceiling in the upstairs hallway. LMAO

This ceiling has been a royal pain in the ass. Paint was peeling everywhere because of the really crappy patch job the previous owners of the house did on it. He’s sanded, spackled, sanded some more and couldn’t get the ceiling even. So, he has an idea. When he worked on his sister’s house, she had that popcorn ceiling that for some ungodly reason was popular back in the 80s. All he had to do was wet down the ceiling and scrape the popcorn off to get a nice even ceiling. His plan was to do that in this case. Ummm, did the can explode? The eldest spawn said, “Maybe she won’t notice.” Won’t notice? LOL. Even Rufus Dragon knows better than that.

Every now and then, FedEx delivers a package to my house that is really for a neighbor who lives on a street with a similar name. Instead of calling FedEx, I just deliver the package myself to the neighbor. One day, I was leaving to pick up the youngest spawn from preschool and there was a package on my doorstep. Since I was running late, I just pulled the box inside and left it under the table in the front hall until later. When I got home and opened the front door, Rufus took off out the front door like a rocket. What the hell? He’s usually jumping all over you for attention when you get home. Even if you’re gone for 5 minutes. He’s shameless that way. I walked in and immediately see a trail all the way through the house to the Kitchen in the back of the house of shredded box, packing peanuts, ripped open plastic wrap and…parmesan cheese? That dog had torn into the better part of a 5 lb. block of parmesan cheese. Block? Too be honest, it could’ve started out as a wheel but now looked like a whittled down Rock of Gibralter. Rufus vs. the Parmesan Cheese. I should’ve gotten a picture. Who mails parmesan cheese? Who needs a delivery of 5 pounds of it?

Next…It looks like they took the words “wintry mix” out of the forecast, so maybe we’ll actually have some planting going on tomorrow. Ted can leave the hall mess until later this week when we’re supposed to have 3 days of never ending rain. (hint, hint)

Click here if you want to see the original post and comments.

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Filed under garden, gardening, growdammit, Random, Rufus Dragon

Tagged as ceiling repair, parmesan cheese

by wannabefarmers | May 11, 2012 · 2:53 am

Damn, we’ve been busy.

With the mundane, nothing really worth a blog post. Life is cramping our style, so here is another Blast from the Past. The youngest spawn is so like me on steroids, that I’m pretty sure his quest for world domination will happen. You’re welcome.

The thing about gardening if it would ever stop raining still pertains…

One Hundreds

Last week we had a classic spawnism on the way to piano. Tonight we had no such luck, but I was reminded of a classic spawnism. Again from the youngest.

Every year in the elementary school, they celebrate 100 days with a different activity. One year the eldest collected 100 fall leaves and we taped them to a giant cutout of a tree that he had painted. One year, my friend Jill slacked off and realized her daughter had to bring in 100 of something right as a blizzard hit. She sent the child in with the one thing in the house they had 100 of…wine corks. There’s a reason my friend Jill is my friend. I digress.

It was the youngest’s 2nd grade year, and the teacher had the class sit down to do self portraits of what they thought they were going to look like at 100 years old. All of my spawn’s classmates were drawing themselves with wrinkles, dentures, gray hair, no hair. Not my child.

Too say that he is literal minded is an understatement. Notice the attention to detail on the tombstone, and the teacher’s comment.

That teacher sure loved this child. Always bringing the unexpected.

Next…Maybe we’ll get back to gardening. If it would EVER stop raining.

2 Comments

Filed under gardening, growdammit, Random, Spawn

by wannabefarmers | May 7, 2012 · 11:49 pm

Today we bought some plants to GrowDammit!

But, we aren’t going to blog about that tonight or the Amish Bingo game we made up. Wait for it.

Instead we are giving you another Blast from the Past…

And the Vegetable of the Day Is…

This has nothing or everything to do with a blog about gardening. The first time I ever ate at a certain chain restaurant who have rocking chairs out front for your leisure to wait for a table (which is way cool), I was still a carnivore. I can’t remember what fried protein item I ordered, but the thing I do remember distinctly to this day revolves around the “Vegetable of the Day.” Their menu clearly stated “vegetable of the day” and not “sides.” I ordered.

Me: I’ll have the the fried carcass, the fried okra and the collard greens.

Waitress: You get one more with that.

Me: Okay. What’s your vegetable of the day?

Waitress: Macaroni and Cheese

Me: What part of that is a vegetable?

Waitress: Blank stare

My Mother: crawled under a table

My Sister: Spewed sweet-tea out of her nose.

Me: That’ll be fine

What do y’all think? Can we grow mac-n-cheese?

Click here to read the original blog post and comments.

Monthly Archives: May 2012

Amish Bingo

Warrior Dash Part 2

Roasted tomato -basil vinaigrette.

Warriors and a Weenie

This was supposed to be a post about dumpster diving…

Thank you Justin Timberlake. I think.

Dear Mother…

Things are afoot in the GrowDammit Gardens…

Be careful what you wish for…

Damn, we’ve been busy.

One Hundreds

Today we bought some plants to GrowDammit!

And the Vegetable of the Day Is…

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Monthly Archives: May 2012

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