Weird Files


The missing frog wind chime appeared.  We were rigging up some fencing around the apricot stumps to thwart Thumper, and I looked over at the apple tree and there it was.  I didn’t put it there.  Ted didn’t put it there.  The spawn sure as shit didn’t put it there.  The thought of them actually picking something up off the ground voluntarily has me laughing so hard that I’m crying.  If I didn’t “politely request” that they clean up their dishes and trash, they’d drown in a sea of potato chip bags, candy wrappers, soda cans, dirty plates and various articles of clothing they discard in the heat of the day.

The most memorable weird files incident I’ve had to date was when the youngest spawn was 5 or 6 and the eldest around 9 or 10.  Clearly, they were potty trained.  I woke up one morning, went downstairs to make breakfast and there was a dirty diaper in the kitchen trash.  Huh?

Potty training.  Boy, I don’t miss those days.  The eldest was easy.  We bribed him with a ginormous toy backhoe.  It sat on the top of the fridge for about two weeks.  And that was that.  The youngest, my stubborn child, took a little longer.  He turned 3, and we started.  That child went everywhere, except the toilet.  One day after about a month, I made him sit for what seemed hours.  No dice.  We were in the process of making cookies, so I let him come back in the kitchen.  He no sooner climbed back onto the chair to help and peed all over the cabinets.  I was defeated. I sat him down and told him that 4 was the magic number.  I said that they don’t make diapers for 4 year olds, so when that day came and he had no more diapers if he had an accident then he’d be the one cleaning it up.  The morning of his 4th birthday, he woke up.  We put on big boy underpants.  That child hasn’t had an accident, not even at night, ever.  Not once.  And that’s where the stubbornness becomes a blessing.

Look!  More yellow tomatoes.  And, some peas.  The peas have been disappointing this year.  We’ll go straight from seeds next time and put plenty down.

And for tonight’s finale…

The Not So Elusive Hummer

That’s right folks.  Thumper showed up, lulled the Dragon into a comatose state.  Just as I was blogging about missing the hummingbird…again…he?…she?…it?…decided to come back for seconds.  Teehee.

Next…I dunno, but I’m having yellow cherry tomatoes with balsamic vinaigrette with my lunch tomorrow.  We already snacked on the peas.

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Filed under garden, growdammit, hummingbird, Rufus Dragon

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