How do you celebrate turning 50? I ask because my friend Sue is having her “I’m Old As Dirt” milestone birthday next year. At least that’s what I call it because at 49, she is way hotter than I am at 42. That, and the fact that I have found myself forced to get into some sort of exercise regime again because of this birthday, makes me snarky.
You see, I was in pretty good shape when Farmer Ted and I hooked up two years ago. I was eating healthy, exercising daily and pretty buff. And then I broke a toe on my left foot, so the exercise stopped. And then because of overcompensating with my right leg for the broken toe, I messed up my right knee, so the exercise remained at a halt. And then the former Chef moved up here, so I gained 10 or so pounds and am no longer buff. And now I really have no excuse not to start exercising again other than I’ve gotten used to sleeping in, and I’ve been okay with that. Until the “Old As Dirt” Birthday Bash plans were unveiled.
Surprise Party? No. Girl’s Weekend? Sortof. Lazy Girl’s Weekend Spent Lazily at Either a Farm on a River or a Mountain Home on a Lake Drinking and Goofing Off? Wrong. THIS? THIS is what my freak friends want to do…When did my friends lose their damn minds?
Be sure to watch the entire video, so you don’t miss the parts where we have to jump over piles of burning logs and crawl through a mud pit under barbed wire. To add insult to injury, the final leg of the race is to apparently consume a turkey leg the size of your head. I’m a goddamned vegetarian friends. Really?
Next…I don’t know. I’m in training for this and Ted is working 14 hours a day. We might take a day trip tomorrow to get me out of my foul (or is it fowl) mood because he has the day off. He’s working so much, the Owner of the restaurant is making him stay home. He’s worried it’s going to kill my favorite Farmer.