Security


Ted and I were in the checkout line at the food store the other day talking about Thanksgiving Day plans. We were minding our own business, having this totally harmless conversation…

Me: We need a cornucopia.


Ted: I could wear it on my head.


Me: Just like that chick who used to wear the fruit basket on her head. What was her name?


Ted: Not Rita Moreno.


Me: Not Lola Folana.


Ted: It was Carmen Miranda.


Me: Dude, you could be the Carmen Miranda of Thanksgiving.

And the next thing I knew, Ted is hissing at the lady in front of us in line.

Me: What? Why are you hissing?


Ted: Because that old hag just told the cashier to call security.


Me: On who?


Ted: On me. That’s who.


Me: That’s ridiculous. You aren’t even pretending to have Tourettes today. And, you didn’t start hissing until they threatened to call security. And, OH…your electronic cigarette. They think you are smoking in the store. 

About a week ago Ted started smoking these electronic cigarettes. They still have nicotine, but the smoke is actually water vapor. Much better on the lungs. They wanted to throw him in jail for trying to be healthier. It turns out Ted wasn’t actually hissing at them, so much as blowing fake smoke at them just daring them to call someone.  And in the end, they didn’t and we checked out instead of having to call someone for bail money.

Our conversation turned back to important Turkey Day matters involving a deep philosophical discussion about history , and Thanksgiving porn. We wondered how true to life the movie Pocahotass actually was.

Next…There is sure to be a food coma in my future.  More than likely in the Dragon’s future too.

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