Amish Bingo


It’s a game Ted and I invented for whenever we drive out to where the Amish live to buy plants for the garden (like the time I introduced Ted to Intercourse).  The idea is like those old-school car trip Bingo cards, and it was born out of the following discussion:

Ted:  Come see an authentic Amish working farm?  Like a theme park attraction?

Me:  Yep, people make a vacation out of it.

Ted:  Out of what?  It’s all Amish people, farms and outlet malls.

Me:  Exactly.

Ted:  What am I missing?  I mean the view is pretty and all.

Me:  Nothing.  I don’t get it either.  People come out here to watch the Amish people doing their Amish stuff, kind of like going to the zoo.  We should totally make up an Amish Bingo card.  I bet the authentic Amish Farm gift shop would sell them.

Ted:  With ideas like these, how can we not get rich and famous?

And then, we started noting Bingo items.  Amish horse & buggy, Amish horse & buddy rides, Amish horse & plow, horse shit in the road, Amish on a bike, Amish on a scooter, Amish laundry line, Amish Smorgasbord, Amish Souvenir Shop, Amish furniture, Amish hex signs, Amish barn raising, disappointing Amish with electricity, Dutch Wonderland.  You can see how all of this warrants a weekend away right?

The two best were…

Amish Volleyball

Amish Volleyball Tournament*

Seriously.  The Amish love them some volleyball.  Who knew?

And…

Amish Stop Sign

Amish Stop Sign

*Note:  No Amish were harmed in the making of this blog post.  The Volleyball Tournament picture was lifted from the interwebs.  We don’t take pictures of people without their permission.  Or, we don’t take them and put them on our public blog.  We may or may not take them and make fun of them on Facebook.

In unrelated news, it is the youngest spawn’s 13th birthday today.  They really do grow up THAT fast.

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14 Comments

Filed under flowers, garden, gardening, growdammit, Random, Yes, We Went There

14 responses to “Amish Bingo

  1. Jody

    We have quite a few Amish in our neighborhood and the buggies go by here daily. There is an Amish farm across the street from our house and I love watching them plow their fields with the buggies pulled by the mules. Nothing is cuter than seeing the buggies going up our road with the little one’s running behind in their bare feet in the summer time.

    I love my modern conveniences but living so close to the simple life of the Amish makes me smile!

  2. The kids are too cute Jody! What always impresses me is the work ethic that they have. Young and old, man those people are always working.

    I still have to crack up at the people who go out there to vacation and Amish sight see though. And, I love to see the Amish exploitation of the tourists. Shady Maple Smorgasbord is like a freaking casino buffet on steroids. I will say that the Shady Maple grocery/farm stand store is no joke. We seriously stocked up on some cheap dried spices and herbs. Their bakery makes me the “not sweet eater” to want to eat some pies and donuts. I bought the spawn’s bday eclairs there. They are the size of my fricken forearms.

  3. Beans

    I lived in Lititz for 3 years. Nice to visit and observe their lifestyle but if you live among them it isn’t fun. Many yucky stories to tell. I repeat…nice to visit and then get the hell away.

    • wannabeted

      I wanna hear the yucky stories! Are they really fucked up? I’ll bet that they’re all swingers! Gimme some dirt!

  4. It sounds like my friend Beans has some Amish Bingo categories to add.

  5. Jody

    Shady Maple isn’t run by Amish – I believe the family is Mennonite though. Donnie’s cousin is a cook there. I haven’t gone in years but I remember the buffet being the size of a football field. LOL

  6. Jody

    Did I ever tell you the whoopie pie Amish story????

  7. wannabeted

    I know that they Mennonites are clean as shit! There’s no trash of any kind of shit like that lying around.

    So I wonder who set the “Standard” for the way that they dress…. All the guys have the SAME hairdo…. And the same beard style… It’s kinda crazy. The same suspenders… All of their horses that pull their buggies around? Black, The buggies? Black. It’s sorta like a cult of something. (As religions usually are.)

    We skipped the great Shady Maple buffet. The food tastes like shit; I can vouch for it. The grocery store that they have out there is cool as shit! This place has TONS of stuff that you can only find there. I’m a fan.

    So what’s this story about the Whoopie Pie?

  8. Like you, I LOVE the grocery store at Shady Maple!! Every time someone from SC comes to visit, we take them there. The kids love the bags of Lucky Charms mashmallows!! The bulk foods section and the bakery always get us in trouble!!!

  9. Jody

    My cousins secretary told this story. She has a relative that works at the local hospital. The Amish are always in there having their babies. One Lady was so nice. She was telling the nurses that she is able to nurse her little one at home and will have plenty of milk for the new baby too. In fact – get this ———- she produces so much milk and it is more than her babies could use. She hated to waste it so she sometimes uses it in her baking. Gag.

    Two weeks later she brings in whoopie pies to thank the nurses for being so great to her.

    No surprise that they threw them away!!!

  10. wannabeted

    So obviously…. No one said “WHOOPIE” for the whoopie pies. Yuk.

  11. wannabeted

    @ Karen. So you know what I’m talking about with the grocery store. We use a bunch of their stuff for baking at my work. Great place. We like to visit the nurseries around there too. You can get some REALLY good fuckin’ deals on shit like… Tomato starts. If we were to go say… Lowe’s and buy them? (About 3 or 4 bucks.) What do we pay at our usual Amish place? $1.25… So yeah… We went nuts this year with starts for the garden. We went a little crazy last year with two gardens and figured out that it was a shit ton of work… So what do we do THIS year? (Have ONE REALLY BIG GARDEN that takes up… I dunno… 85% of our back yard?) Because that’s how we roll….

    “Hey Beans!” So we finally got around to having that wood split that you and Cols dropped off. Lemme tell ya… That’s a big ‘ol pile of wood. Thanks again!

  12. Note to self…Just Say No to Amish Whoopie Pies.

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