Monthly Archives: June 2012

RIP Mr. Greenjeans

If you don’t remember your introduction to our yard art, click here.

Mr. Greenjeans

Mr. Greenjeans in the SuperMoonLight

Ted murdered him with the lawn mower.

Mr. Greenjeans

Mr. Greenjeans Mowed Down

Mr. Greenjeans

It’s all fun and games until somebody loses their legs.

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Filed under garden, gardening, growdammit, Rufus Dragon, Yes, We Went There

I won a $25 gift card that Ted & I blew on beer for this submission…

for a monthly Facebook contest at a little local spot.  The subject was “Who is the greatest lead vocalist/frontman of all time and why” in 150 words or less.

Bragging rights to who guesses the subject first.  We spent the cash already.

“I won’t be a rock star.  I will be a legend.”  More prophetic words were never spoken.  As an entertainer, he was flamboyant, decadent, outlandish, ridiculous, ironic, vivacious and stone-cold bombastic.  As a vocalist, he was impressive with over a 4 octave range and no formal training.  He wrote 10 out of 17 of his band’s greatest hits.  To prove he was well rounded, as a musician he mastered the piano as well as guitar.  The man, the myth, the legend…???

I really wish we would come across more of these challenges to offset our beer budget.

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Happy Birthday Mannie!

It’s our friend’s birthday.  The friend we blog stalk.  Confused?

Mannie
Mannie

Here are the Mannie Chronicles for your reading pleasure:

We Meet Again…25 Years Later

Mannie Visits the Dock

It’s My Name, Don’t Wear It Out

Tsk. Tsk. Mannie

Mannie Defines our New Verb “Boober”

We hope your day was Fabulous Mannie!  Thanks for not slapping us with a restraining order.

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Proud Spawn Moment?

I took the eldest spawn yesterday to take his driving test, and he passed with flying colors.  Which, we had no doubt he would.  So, now he is able to be on the road without a responsible adult in the car.  Not that he ever had one of those with him when Ted and I were letting him chauffeur us around…I mean get his practice hours in.

I kid.

Probably.

On the way home, he was telling me about it.

Me:  So, how was the parallel parking?

Spawn:  I owned it.

Me:  Great.

(the parallel parking is the first obstacle they do and if they can’t do that then they don’t even continue the test)

Spawn:  Yeah.  I did that, and then she (his examiner) said “You can exit.”

Me:  And?

Spawn:  So, I unhooked my seatbelt because I thought she meant I should exit the car.  And, she said “I meant exit the obstacle area…not the car.”

Me:  omg.bwahaahaaahaahaa. Really?

Spawn:  Yeah.  She said that until today she’s only ever had foreigners do that.

Me to Myself:  Did I inadvertently misrepresent my household in the Census?

Like I said, he aced the test and he got his license.  I am very proud of him.

Spawn

In style even.

Anyway, consider yourself warned because this is what you are up against.

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Rufus Dragon vs Any Potential Threat

When we first started the blog, Rufus Dragon quickly established himself as Keeper of the Garden.  Long before that, he has been running security detail on the house.  He doesn’t have any fancy color coded system like the NSA, instead he patrols in 4 stages…

Rufus Dragon

The “I’m ready for a nap, but am keeping my eye on things.”

Rufus Dragon

The “I’m comfortable enough to nap, but am on my side and ready to hop up at a moment’s notice.”

Rufus Dragon

The “Screw you guys nap.  You’re on your own.”

Last but not least there’s Dragonflage

Rufus Dragon

The “Ninja nap.  I’m stealth like that.”

 

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Warning…Rant Ahead

I was up at the middle school bright and early eagerly awaiting yet another proud spawn moment during the end of the year 6th grade award ceremony.  Even though I got there at the recommended 8am, the place was already a zoo.  I scooted in and found myself with several other parents standing against the back wall and leaving enough room between me and the chairs so people could pass through.  I could see the stage, so I had no complaints.

Asshole

And then, this asshole walked in, stopped and stood right in front of me.

I am 5’2″.  I paused to take a pic so that I could embarrass him on Facebook and the blog, then I tapped him on the shoulder and said in my polite but clearly annoyed voice, “Hey there, if you stand there then I can’t see.”

He looked put out at having to be displaced, but he moved.

And then, a very late and harassed looking couple came in and stood in the exact same spot as the above asshole.  This not only blocked my view but that of a really sweet granny standing to the left of me.  She looked at me and said, “And, as soon as you ran one off here’s more.  Rude.”  She was loud enough that I’m sure the proud parents heard, but they ignored it.  At which point, I tapped them both on the shoulders and said in my not so polite and clearly annoyed voice, “So, we who got here on time have to move to be able to see the stage because you got here late and don’t want to stand in the hall?”

And then, it got good.  They both turned to look at me, the wife with a half of a sneer.  I guess the husband recognized the look in my eye saying that I meant business and I don’t mind causing a scene, because he grabbed her arm and moved them right along.  Probably didn’t hurt that he was the one blocking granny.  Smart choice dude.

Here’s what struck me the most.  When confronted, neither the asshole or the couple seemed “surprised” that people were already standing behind them when they chose their spot.  I’ll give you, an “Ooops, I didn’t see you there.”    I’ve been just that person to accidently get in front of someone.  But, both of these were blatant acts of entitlement.  The I am more important than you, my time is more valuable than yours type.

What scares me for the future, is that when it is behavior exhibited by the parent I can’t imagine what the child is going to grow up to become.

The most important advice that I give the spawn, and reinforce is “Be yourself, just don’t be an asshole.”

For the record, the youngest spawn’s award was standing amongst the Top Ten Geography Students of the Year.  My pride grew x times for him today, as it does at the end of every school year.

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Filed under garden, gardening, growdammit, Random, Spawn, Yes, We Went There

Three Sisters Garden

We are growing one.  Dammit.

It both delights me, and angers me at the same time.  Why?  Because while I love the idea of it, I am growing two things I swore never to do again which makes me a hypocrite.  I hate it when that happens, like Thanksgiving and cranberry sauce.

“According to Iroquois legend, corn, beans, and squash are three inseparable sisters who only grow and thrive together. This tradition of interplanting corn, beans and squash in the same mounds, widespread among Native American farming societies, is a sophisticated, sustainable system that provided long-term soil fertility and a healthy diet to generations.  Corn provides a natural pole for bean vines to climb. Beans fix nitrogen on their roots, improving the overall fertility of the plot by providing nitrogen to the following years corn. Bean vines also help stabilize the corn plants, making them less vulnerable to blowing over in the wind. Shallow-rooted squash vines become a living mulch, shading emerging weeds and preventing soil moisture from evaporating, thereby improving the overall crops chances of survival in dry years. Spiny squash plants also help discourage predators from approaching the corn and beans. The large amount of crop residue from this planting combination can be incorporated back into the soil at the end of the season, to build up the organic matter and improve its structure.”

Three Sisters Garden

The entire paragraph above was taken from Renee’s Garden where I bought the seeds and stole the description.

What a beautiful concept.  It is exactly what defines being a sister.

I have sisters from birth and from family.  I have brothers who are sisters.  I have sisters from grade school, middle school, high school and college.  I have one who should be my twin because we’ve been through all of this mostly together and sometimes far apart, but we don’t share parents.  I have sisters that I’ve met through a computer screen and not in “real life.”  I have sisters that have just recently come into my life, but are just as important as the others.  And like the garden, we’ve woven together a fabric that is a strong bond.  Where one falters, the other is strong enough to carry them through.  I have very recently been carried, both figuratively and literally when I was a Weenie and my sister felt me up on camera (love you especially for THAT Magoo).

On the other hand, growing corn and pumpkins is a colossal pain in the ass.  I guess sisters can be too, but at the end of the day so worth it.

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Filed under Actually About The Garden, garden, gardening, growdammit

I’m going to take this as a compliment.

I had a Gyno appointment this morning.

WARNING:  Readers of the male variety *Spawn This Means You* may want to back away from this blogpost.

She was all up in my business with the freaking cold metal speculum, and can we talk about why they don’t warm those things up like a tea towel at a classy sushi joint or nail salon?  We were making small talk, and I told her while she was doing her thing about the time my dermatologist called me easy because she regularly berates me about seeing the dermo for all of my sun damage and now I had proof that I was being vigilant.

And then, she either gave me a great compliment or things got really weird.  I got the word that all of my lady parts were in good working order, at which point she asked “Were your births C-Section or vaginal?”  *This is why I warned you to walk away spawn*  To which, I responded that they were the natural, non-surgical kind.  And she said, “Your cervix is perfect, like a child never came out of it.”  At which point, I tried to make a lame joke about how my boobs didn’t fare so well after my last mammogram.

Like I said, I’m going with compliment.  At this point, after 42 years, I’ll take what I can get when the word perfect is involved.  My perfect cervix would like to thank the Spawn *who are scarred for life if they are still reading this* but deserve it if they didn’t listen.  I just wish my hair could thank them instead, for not giving me greys on a daily basis.  My hairdresser thanks them monthly.

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