I’m going to take this as a compliment.

I had a Gyno appointment this morning.

WARNING:  Readers of the male variety *Spawn This Means You* may want to back away from this blogpost.

She was all up in my business with the freaking cold metal speculum, and can we talk about why they don’t warm those things up like a tea towel at a classy sushi joint or nail salon?  We were making small talk, and I told her while she was doing her thing about the time my dermatologist called me easy because she regularly berates me about seeing the dermo for all of my sun damage and now I had proof that I was being vigilant.

And then, she either gave me a great compliment or things got really weird.  I got the word that all of my lady parts were in good working order, at which point she asked “Were your births C-Section or vaginal?”  *This is why I warned you to walk away spawn*  To which, I responded that they were the natural, non-surgical kind.  And she said, “Your cervix is perfect, like a child never came out of it.”  At which point, I tried to make a lame joke about how my boobs didn’t fare so well after my last mammogram.

Like I said, I’m going with compliment.  At this point, after 42 years, I’ll take what I can get when the word perfect is involved.  My perfect cervix would like to thank the Spawn *who are scarred for life if they are still reading this* but deserve it if they didn’t listen.  I just wish my hair could thank them instead, for not giving me greys on a daily basis.  My hairdresser thanks them monthly.



Filed under growdammit, Random, Spawn, Yes, We Went There

4 responses to “I’m going to take this as a compliment.

  1. wannabeted

    Like I’m gonna be with a woman who has an old “Beat up” cervix. (I’m all about the quality….) Other than that…. I pretty much don’t know what to say other than that.

    Oh… I figured out this password issue that I’ve been having with Word Press so I’m getting ready to get up on this blogging thing. The old blog was easier but it looked cheap… So we paid for this one… And I stop fuckin’ with it. Now what kinda sense does that make? That’s Me being Me. I like the simple black and white… None of that hokey shit. It’s an easier read in my opinion.

  2. nstreetman

    This entry reminds me of a story my mom (of vajazzling fame) told me many, many years ago. She went for a gyno appointment. It was the usual routine – she went through the preliminaries with the nurse, got undressed and waited with her feet in the stirrups. When the doctor came into the examining room, he said ” Hmm, you smell good!”

  3. nstreetman

    He was referring to her perfume, of course. And he was terribly embarrassed immediately.

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