Monthly Archives: April 2013

A Mess O’ Collards

collard greens

Grown by the Wannabes at Growdammit Central.

For whatever reason, the Dragon lost his interest.  If you are confused read this.

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Filed under Actually About The Garden, garden, garden pests, gardening, growdammit, organic, Rufus Dragon

This is why Ted will never be on Wheel of Fortune. Or TV.

We were sitting here tonight watching WOF, which I am freakishly good at from the sofa in my den.  I’ve had a few friends who have been on games shows, and they  have assured me that actually being in the spotlight significantly makes you second guess yourself and dumbs you down by like 50 IQ points.  This is why I’ve never tried to get on the show, despite the encouragement of the spawn.

Anyway instead of sitting back tonight in amazement of my awesomeness, Ted decided he was going to one up me on the “Things Around the House” puzzle.  Mind you, he wasn’t even looking at the TV when he attempted to solve it in rapid fire succession.  It’s better if you read these in the classic Wheel of Fortune contestant voice – loud and well pronounced with pregnant pauses to make sure you aren’t misunderstood.

Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle…

Pack of Rubbers

Bra on the Floor

Easy Glide Applicator

Ribbed for Her Pleasure

I’d like to buy an X Pat

Oily Anal Discharge

Massengil for That Not So Fresh Feeling

The spawn immediately elected him king of Wheel of Fortune, despite the fact that he would have been escorted from the premises right after “pack of rubbers.”  Probably.

ETA…the eldest spawn elected him king, the youngest spawn is horrified.

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Filed under growdammit, Random, Spawn, Yes, We Went There

Either this, or a male stripper.

My Office Manager sent this email to the company today…

Will you help me celebrate my mom’s birthday?

My mom is going to be 104 this month; when she was 85, I started doing creative things to try to make each birthday special – little did I know that I would still be striving for special 19 years later!

This year’s idea is a “card shower”.  I have been contacting friends and family around the country to request birthday cards; even suggesting they solicit cards from their friends. Goal is 104 cards!

Facts about Edna:

  • She was born April 20, 1909        
  • She remembers the end of World War 1
  • She remembers the headlines about Charles Lindbergh, Amelia Earheart, and Seabiscuit
  • She worked through the Great Depression
  • She lived in Chicago during the Roaring Twenties (Al Capone, St. Valentine’s Day Massacre); went to Speakeasys and drank bathtub gin
  • She traveled to Hawaii when the only way to get was by boat

She currently lives alone in an apartment and has no ailments (HOW CAN THAT BE!!!).  When we play cards, she can add up the score in her head as fast as the rest of us! Please help celebrate this special lady’s birthday.  Thanks!

Let’s make it 204 people!  If you want to participate, message me here or on Facebook for her address.  I’d rather not put it out on a public blog.

If you want to send  a dude from Golden Banana BirthdayGrams, message me here or on Facebook for my address.

What?  I have to hold auditions.

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Filed under growdammit, Random, Yes, We Went There