This is why Ted will never be on Wheel of Fortune. Or TV.

We were sitting here tonight watching WOF, which I am freakishly good at from the sofa in my den.  I’ve had a few friends who have been on games shows, and they  have assured me that actually being in the spotlight significantly makes you second guess yourself and dumbs you down by like 50 IQ points.  This is why I’ve never tried to get on the show, despite the encouragement of the spawn.

Anyway instead of sitting back tonight in amazement of my awesomeness, Ted decided he was going to one up me on the “Things Around the House” puzzle.  Mind you, he wasn’t even looking at the TV when he attempted to solve it in rapid fire succession.  It’s better if you read these in the classic Wheel of Fortune contestant voice – loud and well pronounced with pregnant pauses to make sure you aren’t misunderstood.

Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle…

Pack of Rubbers

Bra on the Floor

Easy Glide Applicator

Ribbed for Her Pleasure

I’d like to buy an X Pat

Oily Anal Discharge

Massengil for That Not So Fresh Feeling

The spawn immediately elected him king of Wheel of Fortune, despite the fact that he would have been escorted from the premises right after “pack of rubbers.”  Probably.

ETA…the eldest spawn elected him king, the youngest spawn is horrified.


1 Comment

Filed under growdammit, Random, Spawn, Yes, We Went There

One response to “This is why Ted will never be on Wheel of Fortune. Or TV.

  1. Cols

    LMFAO!!! Ted, you are too effing funny!

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