Because, come to find out, the classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich is racist. At least according to the Principal of a school district in Portland it is.
I apologize in advance people. Who knew? I didn’t. Nor did I get the “Courageous Conversations” memo. I don’t live in, nor have I ever been to Portland. And, I’ve never really even considered that it would by any stretch of the imagination be considered white privilege. Does this mean it is only offensive if it is on white bread? Could we all have been spared if we had just chosen wheat? I am hesitant to denounce peanut butter because according to this Wikipedia article, peanuts are found all over the world and in all types of cuisine. I suppose then that jelly is in cahoots with white bread? Wikipedia indicates that while some sort of jellyish type of substances are found multi-culturally, only the US, Canada and Europe actually regulates its production.
The eldest spawn is doomed. He takes a PB&J to school everyday for lunch. And since he is 18, I can’t really make him not eat them anymore. He wouldn’t touch wheat bread with a 10 foot pole. Maybe a sandwich intervention is in order? Does ANYONE have any experience with this type of thing? I could use some advice.
The youngest spawn might be okay. He used to eat peanut butter and nutella sandwiches, but that ended around the age of 6. I’d like to think that he found out about the nefariousness of it all, and that is why he ended the insanity. Not because he is picky and stubborn. And, he never really did jelly.
Rufus Dragon has been spared. To my knowledge he has never had a PB&J. Unless he stole it from one of the spawn. Then he would be a biggot and a thief.
Farmer Ted has been known to snack on the vileness, but rarely. Does this mean he is only a sometimes racist?
I, like the youngest spawn, am more than likely a reformed racist. I used to eat them, but stopped sometime around my freshman year of high school. I blame my parents, because with 7 children peanut butter and jelly is truly the most economical solution to school lunches. Way to go parental units. Way. To. Go.