Category Archives: hummingbird

It turns out that we are condiment whores.

We had burger sliders for supper tonight, and I pulled out a bunch of different condiments and fixin’s so that everyone could mix and match.  When I went to put everything away, I realized we have a bit of a problem.


An entire shelf of the refrigerator dedicated to condiments.

A whole shelf!  Full of mostly homemade (some store bought) jams, jellies, spreads, dipping sauces, bbq sauces and pickled stuff.  This is in addition to…


The entire refrigerator door.

There are no less than seven different types of mustard here and two different Sriracha.  There are steak sauces and salad dressings, as well as all manner of Asian sauces with a healthy dose of Mexican.  Does anyone else have a fridge where almost half of it is dominated by stuff to dip and/or cover other stuff in?

I’m kind of scared to show you our pantry at this point.  We also have a bit of a spice habit.



Filed under food porn, growdammit, hummingbird

Well, I’ll be damned.

My friend Sue gave me a 6 foot snake last year for my birthday.

garden snake

An inflatable natural enemy scarecrow snake.  It’s a new breed.  One that doesn’t bite.

So, I brought it home and showed Ted and then a bunch of inappropriate snake innuendo jokes about snakes, trousers and rabbit holes ensued.  Because we are still 12.  But, we really didn’t give the idea that an inflatable snake would really keep Thumper and his brood out of our garden a lot of credence.  I mean if a Dragon and the 20  cats that roam the neighborhood can’t manage it, what was a fake snake going to do?

If you are my Facebook friend, then you know that last weekend we installed tomatoes, peppers and beans here at GrowDammit Central.  And true to form, the herd of cottontails that have their warren in the neighbor’s yard, started to take notice of the new source of dinner.  So, we thought why not?  Let’s bring out the big guns and see what is what.  The worst thing that could happen would be that Sue would get her money back.

garden snake

We named him Lucifer. You have to hiss when you pronounce the C.

We’ve moved him around the garden perimeter for the past few days.  It’s kind of off-putting when you see him out of the corner of your eye.  The best is that we haven’t seen hide nor hare.

Get it?

When the spawn asked if it was working, Ted told him that a leaf wouldn’t even fall in the yard.  Sorry Sue.

Feel free to leave any snake innuendo jokes you might have in the comments.

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Filed under Actually About The Garden, garden, garden pests, gardening, hummingbird, organic, Rufus Dragon, Spawn

Fried Green Tomato Pimento Cheese Burgers

Is what this blog post is supposed to be about.  Instead, just as we sat down on the back deck to chow down, something way cooler happened.

Cooler than Monarch Butterfly Porn.

Cooler than when Farmer Ted saw not one, but two, squirrels fall out of the sycamore tree.  (I’ll let him tell you all about that.)

Almost as exciting as when Farmer Ted demanded to see the White House Garden.

And, it involves our


our elusive hummer.

Like I said we were getting ready to eat, when all of the sudden right over the Growdammit veggie garden, something started raising a ruckus and flying back and forth like a pendulum from pretty high in the sky and diving low.  The whole thing lasted about 20 seconds, and the damn thing must have flown back and forth at least 10 times.

Ted:  What the fuck is that?

Me:  I don’t know.  What the fuck IS that?

Ted:  I think it’s a hummingbird.

Me:  There are two of them.  Do you think they are fighting?

Ted:  I think they’re mating?

Me:  While flying around like that?

Ted:  I dunno.  I do know I’ve never seen anything like that.

Turns out the chattering was the female who was somewhere in the garden, and the male was performing his courtship dive.  According to eHow…

“The courtship dive is a display of strength and endurance that is performed by male hummingbirds. At the beginning of the mating season, males climb upwards of 60 feet or more, according to the How to Enjoy Hummingbirds website. They dive back toward the earth reaching top speeds of 50 miles per hour, averaging 30 miles per hour. The hummingbirds fly in a U-shaped arc, pulling out of the dive as they get near the female. This is done several times in succession.”


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Filed under Actually About The Garden, garden, growdammit, hummingbird

Happy Day After Independence Day, Part 2

If you missed Part I, click here.

I know y’all are waiting on baited breath from yesterday’s cliffhanger.  I also know that the title of this post makes no sense, sort of.

We made it to Havre de Grace, and our hopes were high.  It was a cute, if small, town.  Some of the shops/antique stores were open for business so we browsed.  Ted found a cool Freemason mug from the 1950’s.

Jesus Saves

I found this gem.

We were told that the best place for crabs was a seafood place across town, and off we went.  We pulled up and parked beside what appeared to be a dive.  That’s okay by us.  You can find some great food in a dive.  We got a table, placed our beer order and asked about the price of crabs.  And, we were quickly disappointed when the waitress informed us that you have to have a reservation to get crabs?  What?  I guess we weren’t far enough south of the Mason Dixon. Since, we were starving we ordered a few appetizers.  Ted went to use the Men’s Room, and that ended our disappointment.  Apparently the facilities were filthy.  It probably ended up a good thing we were denied our crabs.  The dive was not a dive, but a dump.  We prayed to the No Food Poisoning Please gods, ate our overpriced, mediocre crab fritters, frozen onion rings and under seasoned coleslaw and got the hell out of dodge hoping to find another place on the way home where we could find some crabs.  Which we didn’t.

What we did find was…


Maryland’s Motto should be “The State with a Discount Liquor Store on Every Corner.” They are everywhere. There was another across the intersection from this one.  The next time we want to celebrate something, we know where we can’t get crabs. But, we know where we can get some Moonshine.

Pit Beef

We found where we can get some probably decent pit beef. We’re just not sure when. Havre de Grace apparently has an 8th day. Or, Harry has some kind of weird space time continuum thing going on. Yes, it was spelled the same on both sides of the sign.

Hummingbird Feeder

Where we can find some inappropriate hummingbird feeders.  As if the whole anatomically correct sock monkey thing isn’t disturbing enough.  This was a mouse. They also had a chicken.


The answer to the our question about “Hatem, hate who?” The “em” would be unsuspecting tourists. Why? We can only surmise they hate us to leave. How did we draw this conclusion? By paying the whopping $6 toll they charged us to leave.

See ya’ Havre de Grace.  If we had gotten our hands on some celebratory crabs, it would probably be worth paying $6 to leave.


Filed under garden, gardening, growdammit, hummingbird, Random, Yes, We Went There

Weird Files

The missing frog wind chime appeared.  We were rigging up some fencing around the apricot stumps to thwart Thumper, and I looked over at the apple tree and there it was.  I didn’t put it there.  Ted didn’t put it there.  The spawn sure as shit didn’t put it there.  The thought of them actually picking something up off the ground voluntarily has me laughing so hard that I’m crying.  If I didn’t “politely request” that they clean up their dishes and trash, they’d drown in a sea of potato chip bags, candy wrappers, soda cans, dirty plates and various articles of clothing they discard in the heat of the day.

The most memorable weird files incident I’ve had to date was when the youngest spawn was 5 or 6 and the eldest around 9 or 10.  Clearly, they were potty trained.  I woke up one morning, went downstairs to make breakfast and there was a dirty diaper in the kitchen trash.  Huh?

Potty training.  Boy, I don’t miss those days.  The eldest was easy.  We bribed him with a ginormous toy backhoe.  It sat on the top of the fridge for about two weeks.  And that was that.  The youngest, my stubborn child, took a little longer.  He turned 3, and we started.  That child went everywhere, except the toilet.  One day after about a month, I made him sit for what seemed hours.  No dice.  We were in the process of making cookies, so I let him come back in the kitchen.  He no sooner climbed back onto the chair to help and peed all over the cabinets.  I was defeated. I sat him down and told him that 4 was the magic number.  I said that they don’t make diapers for 4 year olds, so when that day came and he had no more diapers if he had an accident then he’d be the one cleaning it up.  The morning of his 4th birthday, he woke up.  We put on big boy underpants.  That child hasn’t had an accident, not even at night, ever.  Not once.  And that’s where the stubbornness becomes a blessing.

Look!  More yellow tomatoes.  And, some peas.  The peas have been disappointing this year.  We’ll go straight from seeds next time and put plenty down.

And for tonight’s finale…

The Not So Elusive Hummer

That’s right folks.  Thumper showed up, lulled the Dragon into a comatose state.  Just as I was blogging about missing the hummingbird…again…he?…she?…it?…decided to come back for seconds.  Teehee.

Next…I dunno, but I’m having yellow cherry tomatoes with balsamic vinaigrette with my lunch tomorrow.  We already snacked on the peas.

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Filed under garden, growdammit, hummingbird, Rufus Dragon