Category Archives: Random

Our Razortooth Elf on a Shelf

Razortooth Elf to read more about him.

We may try to revive this blog.  A lot of things have happened at GrowDammit, including a move to a smaller headquarters.  Which means we need to find new and inventive ways to grow stuff.


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A Beautiful Sight…

GrowDammit Heirloom Tomatoes.

heirloom tomatoes

heirloom tomatoes

That is all.


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Growdammit Central hits the biggish time.

I guess this makes us an unofficial locally sourced suburban farm…

black raspberries

3 more pints of black raspberries sold to Farmer Ted’s restaurant, bringing the total to 6!

Next up – heirloom tomatoes and peppers.


Filed under Actually About The Garden, garden, gardening, growdammit, organic, Random

The Great Wall of Pine-A

We have had a brutal winter up here in Yankee-land.  Something like a bazillion inches of snow, but the worst offender was the ice storm.  People were out of power for weeks with downed trees and power lines.  We weren’t that affected and only lost power for a day and a half, but Mother Nature wasn’t about to leave us unscathed.  Ice + 3 humongous white pines =

white pine

Limbs down.




Today was absolutely beautiful, and a nice break from the freaking cold.  A balmy 60 degrees here at GrowDammit Central, so what did we do?

Take a roadtrip?  Nope.

Go to Longwood Gardens for a little taste of Spring?  Nope.

Walk into town for some nosh and a pitcher of beer?  Nope.

We commenced the Great Storm Clean-Up of 2014.  We cut up 10 tons of branches and limbs that fell from those white pines during the ice storm.  PSA…NEVER EVER PLANT WHITE PINES ON YOUR PROPERTY!  They are really week trees, and extremely messy.  Never mind a storm, they drop their needles not only in the Fall but during anytime of stress.  Like a drought.  Or, a monsoon.  If anyone wants to send me $3K to take them down, feel free.

We worked tirelessly throughout the day to create this…

white pine

It’s as tall as I am.


Now that we’ve gotten the chaos under control, what to do with it?  That’s a good question.  We’ve had the helpful suggestion of burning it.  Brilliant.  Except for the fact that the same Township Supervisors who thought this method of traffic control in my neighborhood was a good idea are paddling the douchecanoe, and have banned controlled burns.  So instead of disposing of it for free, I get to either bag it and wait a month for the next debris pick-up or pay somebody a few hundred bucks to haul it away.  Bureaucracy at its finest!  My back is going to thank you in the morning.

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I’m going to take this as an omen for good things in 2014.

I walked past a nun shopping in the lingerie department of Boscov’s yesterday afternoon.

Farmer Ted wants to know what the deal is with me and nuns.  It isn’t that I’ve really had that many interactions with them, but when I do they are kind of weird.  If you didn’t read our blog post about the time I peed with a couple of nuns in a WaWa and they inadvertently clued me into the fact that the super powerful hand dryer would take your sin off, click here.  If you have such a need and access to a WaWa, you can thank me later for passing this tidbit along.

I shouldn’t even have been in the mall.  I was returning something and thought the store I was looking for was in the mall, when actually it was across the street in one of those Main Street complexes.  Anyway, it was odd and unexpected and fantastic.  Surely it has to mean something, and I’m choosing to believe it means that 2014 will be a banner year at GrowDammit Central.  Or, it could just mean that the nun needed some new skivvies.  Whatever.  The Hoppin’ John and collard greens are rollin’ as a backup measure, and soon we will be oozing with good luck and wealth.

Happy New Year from the Wannabe Farmers!

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I’m probably raising a couple of racists. And, you might be too.

Because, come to find out, the classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich is racist.  At least according to the Principal of a school district in Portland it is.

I apologize in advance people.  Who knew?  I didn’t.  Nor did I get the “Courageous Conversations” memo.  I don’t live in, nor have I ever been to Portland.  And, I’ve never really even considered that it would by any stretch of the imagination be considered white privilege.  Does this mean it is only offensive if it is on white bread?  Could we all have been spared if we had just chosen wheat?  I am hesitant to denounce peanut butter because according to this Wikipedia article, peanuts are found all over the world and in all types of cuisine.  I suppose then that jelly is in cahoots with white bread?  Wikipedia indicates that while some sort of jellyish type of substances are found multi-culturally, only the US, Canada and Europe actually regulates its production.

The eldest spawn is doomed.  He takes a PB&J to school everyday for lunch.  And since he is 18, I can’t really make him not eat them anymore.  He wouldn’t touch wheat bread with a 10 foot pole.  Maybe a sandwich intervention is in order?  Does ANYONE have any experience with this type of thing?  I could use some advice.

The youngest spawn might be okay.  He used to eat peanut butter and nutella sandwiches, but that ended around the age of 6.  I’d like to think that he found out about the nefariousness of it all, and that is why he ended the insanity.  Not because he is picky and stubborn.  And, he never really did jelly.

Rufus Dragon has been spared.  To my knowledge he has never had a PB&J.  Unless he stole it from one of the spawn.  Then he would be a biggot and a thief.

Farmer Ted has been known to snack on the vileness, but rarely.  Does this mean he is only a sometimes racist?

I, like the youngest spawn, am more than likely a reformed racist.  I used to eat them, but stopped sometime around my freshman year of high school.  I blame my parents, because with 7 children peanut butter and jelly is truly the most economical solution to school lunches.  Way to go parental units.  Way. To. Go.

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Filed under food porn, growdammit, Random, Rufus Dragon, Spawn, Yes, We Went There

Rufus Dragon versus Halloween

The year we did this…

rufus dragon

Seriously People?

rufus dragon

Just let me the hell out of here.

The Dragon not only managed to ditch the costume once he got outside, but he tore into the faces of my Jackolanterns.  About 20 minutes before Trick or Treat.  Happy Halloween People!


Filed under growdammit, Random, Rufus Dragon

Adventures in Canning

A couple of weeks ago, Farmer Ted and I harvested all of the tomatoes we had left on our dying vines and made green tomato chow-chow.  If you don’t remember that, click here.  Then, a week later, I used some of our remaining peppers to make spicy pepper chow-chow.  Since we only had about 12 jars worth of ingredients, I attempted it by myself and things went fairly well.  This past week, a hard frost was in our forecast so Ted picked all of the remaining peppers and broke down the garden.  Instead of making more chow-chow, I decided to try my hand at hot pepper jelly.  Since Ted had to work, I figured once again I would just do it myself.  The recipe looked fairly simple.  Pureed peppers, apple cider vinegar, sugar and pectin.  Bring the first 3 to a boil, add the pectin, return to a boil for a minute and remove from heat.  Pour in jars, process in the bath for 10 minutes and Voila…hot pepper jelly.  Piece of cake.

Here is how it really went…

I prepped the peppers and got all of the other ingredients and canning utensils together.  I washed and sterilized a dozen jars.  I started 2 large pots of boiling water to use for the bath.  I mixed the peppers, vinegar and sugar together and set it to boil.  No worries.

Then, I realized that 12 jars weren’t going to be enough…

So, I turned the pepper mixture down to low, ran to the basement for more jars, washed them, threw them in the oven to sterilize and turned the pepper mix back up to high.  It boiled, and I added pectin.   I’ve totally got this.

Then, I realized that I forgot to grab clean dish rags to be able to handle the hot jars…

So I ran down to the basement to grab some and ran back up to the kitchen.  Just in time to see the pepper jelly boil over.  And by that, I mean it geysered out of the pot like Old Faithful.  There was pepper jelly all over the stove.  Burning.  There was pepper jelly all over the counter from when I yanked it off to remove it from the heat.  There was pepper jelly all over the floor.  There was pepper jelly all over me.  This might remind our loyal readers about how I’m a hazard in the kitchen.  It was a hot mess.  Literally.  That shit was hot.

Once I realized that I didn’t have any third degree burns…

I started canning the jelly.  I got the first batch in the bath, and started to clean up some of the mess.  Rufus Dragon wanted to help, so he licked the floor.  Once.  Then he whimpered and  headed straight for his water bowl and drank a gallon.  Thankfully the rest of the exercise went well, and I celebrated a battle well fought with a glass or two of wine.

Then, I realized I might have to wait up to 48 hours for the pectin to set up to see if I had actually won the war.

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Man Down

sock monkey

Don’t even ask.


Confused?  Here are our sock monkey chronicles…

How it All Began

Sock Monkey Madness on Pinterest

My Friends are Sickos

The Spawn Get in On It

Our Sock Monkey Population is Growing

Another Sock Monkey Movie Re-Enactment

And Another

Handicapped Sock Monkeys Need Love Too



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Coming Soon…

If you are here because of Farmer Ted’s cryptic Facebook post about us selling a piece of shit house, bare with us.  The man has a blog post in mind.  And he has ADD.  Clearly there is no blog post at this moment.  He does have something in mind, so check back with us regularly.


Filed under growdammit, Random, Yes, We Went There