I’m probably raising a couple of racists. And, you might be too.

Because, come to find out, the classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich is racist.  At least according to the Principal of a school district in Portland it is.

I apologize in advance people.  Who knew?  I didn’t.  Nor did I get the “Courageous Conversations” memo.  I don’t live in, nor have I ever been to Portland.  And, I’ve never really even considered that it would by any stretch of the imagination be considered white privilege.  Does this mean it is only offensive if it is on white bread?  Could we all have been spared if we had just chosen wheat?  I am hesitant to denounce peanut butter because according to this Wikipedia article, peanuts are found all over the world and in all types of cuisine.  I suppose then that jelly is in cahoots with white bread?  Wikipedia indicates that while some sort of jellyish type of substances are found multi-culturally, only the US, Canada and Europe actually regulates its production.

The eldest spawn is doomed.  He takes a PB&J to school everyday for lunch.  And since he is 18, I can’t really make him not eat them anymore.  He wouldn’t touch wheat bread with a 10 foot pole.  Maybe a sandwich intervention is in order?  Does ANYONE have any experience with this type of thing?  I could use some advice.

The youngest spawn might be okay.  He used to eat peanut butter and nutella sandwiches, but that ended around the age of 6.  I’d like to think that he found out about the nefariousness of it all, and that is why he ended the insanity.  Not because he is picky and stubborn.  And, he never really did jelly.

Rufus Dragon has been spared.  To my knowledge he has never had a PB&J.  Unless he stole it from one of the spawn.  Then he would be a biggot and a thief.

Farmer Ted has been known to snack on the vileness, but rarely.  Does this mean he is only a sometimes racist?

I, like the youngest spawn, am more than likely a reformed racist.  I used to eat them, but stopped sometime around my freshman year of high school.  I blame my parents, because with 7 children peanut butter and jelly is truly the most economical solution to school lunches.  Way to go parental units.  Way. To. Go.

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Rufus Dragon versus Halloween

The year we did this…

rufus dragon

Seriously People?

rufus dragon

Just let me the hell out of here.

The Dragon not only managed to ditch the costume once he got outside, but he tore into the faces of my Jackolanterns.  About 20 minutes before Trick or Treat.  Happy Halloween People!

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Adventures in Canning

A couple of weeks ago, Farmer Ted and I harvested all of the tomatoes we had left on our dying vines and made green tomato chow-chow.  If you don’t remember that, click here.  Then, a week later, I used some of our remaining peppers to make spicy pepper chow-chow.  Since we only had about 12 jars worth of ingredients, I attempted it by myself and things went fairly well.  This past week, a hard frost was in our forecast so Ted picked all of the remaining peppers and broke down the garden.  Instead of making more chow-chow, I decided to try my hand at hot pepper jelly.  Since Ted had to work, I figured once again I would just do it myself.  The recipe looked fairly simple.  Pureed peppers, apple cider vinegar, sugar and pectin.  Bring the first 3 to a boil, add the pectin, return to a boil for a minute and remove from heat.  Pour in jars, process in the bath for 10 minutes and Voila…hot pepper jelly.  Piece of cake.

Here is how it really went…

I prepped the peppers and got all of the other ingredients and canning utensils together.  I washed and sterilized a dozen jars.  I started 2 large pots of boiling water to use for the bath.  I mixed the peppers, vinegar and sugar together and set it to boil.  No worries.

Then, I realized that 12 jars weren’t going to be enough…

So, I turned the pepper mixture down to low, ran to the basement for more jars, washed them, threw them in the oven to sterilize and turned the pepper mix back up to high.  It boiled, and I added pectin.   I’ve totally got this.

Then, I realized that I forgot to grab clean dish rags to be able to handle the hot jars…

So I ran down to the basement to grab some and ran back up to the kitchen.  Just in time to see the pepper jelly boil over.  And by that, I mean it geysered out of the pot like Old Faithful.  There was pepper jelly all over the stove.  Burning.  There was pepper jelly all over the counter from when I yanked it off to remove it from the heat.  There was pepper jelly all over the floor.  There was pepper jelly all over me.  This might remind our loyal readers about how I’m a hazard in the kitchen.  It was a hot mess.  Literally.  That shit was hot.

Once I realized that I didn’t have any third degree burns…

I started canning the jelly.  I got the first batch in the bath, and started to clean up some of the mess.  Rufus Dragon wanted to help, so he licked the floor.  Once.  Then he whimpered and  headed straight for his water bowl and drank a gallon.  Thankfully the rest of the exercise went well, and I celebrated a battle well fought with a glass or two of wine.

Then, I realized I might have to wait up to 48 hours for the pectin to set up to see if I had actually won the war.

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Man Down

sock monkey

Don’t even ask.

 

Confused?  Here are our sock monkey chronicles…

How it All Began

Sock Monkey Madness on Pinterest

My Friends are Sickos

The Spawn Get in On It

Our Sock Monkey Population is Growing

Another Sock Monkey Movie Re-Enactment

And Another

Handicapped Sock Monkeys Need Love Too

 

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GrowDammit Green Tomato Chow-Chow

I realize that we didn’t blog about our garden this year at all, and I am blaming the shitty weather we had up here in Yankeeland this summer.  We had so much rain that nothing thrived.  Our tomatoes did okay, but we had many vines that never even bore fruit or if they did they didn’t ripen before they burst open or rotted on the vine.  Bambi and Thumper didn’t help matters by munching on our okra and sweet peppers.  The birds ate our raspberries.  Every last one of them.  Sometimes, you just can’t win.   We’ll chalk this up to yet another learning experience.

tomatoes from the GrowDammit gardens

Fortunately, we were able to harvest 20 pounds of green tomatoes this past week.

Ted had the past two days off, so I took a couple of vacation days.  He was looking forward to some quality nap time.  I had other ideas.

Chopped veggies for green tomato chow chow.

Yesterday was spent chopping veggies…

mixed veggies for green tomato chow chow

And prepping them for the pickling process.

green tomato chow chow

Today was spent pickling and canning them.

48 jars of GrowDammit green tomato chow chow

48 jars of them.

I’m pretty proud of us.  This is our most ambitious canning endeavor yet, since I realized I was indeed turning into my mother.  She’s the plant whisperer, who coincidentally had a birthday yesterday.  Click here to read about how she totally kicks our gardening asses.

I’m especially proud of Farmer Ted the Chef, who spent his time off cooking and didn’t even complain about it.  Much.

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Coming Soon…

If you are here because of Farmer Ted’s cryptic Facebook post about us selling a piece of shit house, bare with us.  The man has a blog post in mind.  And he has ADD.  Clearly there is no blog post at this moment.  He does have something in mind, so check back with us regularly.

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Fresh from the GrowDammit Gardens…

growdammit tomato sauce

Red sauce made from GrowDammit tomatoes and herbs.

These are the last of the ripe tomatoes people.  I think it’s gotten to chilly up here at GrowDammit Central, so we will be pulling the vines out of the ground and harvesting the green tomatoes for chow-chow.  Of course, we will have to reserve a few for fried green tomato and pimento cheese sandwiches.  *drool*

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Because handicapped sock monkeys need love too…

You read that right.

sock monkey missing an arm

What’s wrong with this picture?

sock monkey missing an arm

We found him in the bargain bin.

sock monkey

They didn’t even give him a smile.

If you don’t know about our sordid sock monkey history, click here.  Also search our blog for more sock monkey fun.

 

 

 

 

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It’s that time of year again…

It’s 57 degrees right now in good ol’ Yankeeland, so you know what that means.  Toddler Pants.  That’s right people.  Ted just walked in the Family Room with his on.  This time he’s wearing his Wikipedia hoodie instead of his Rocky sweatshirt.

If you are confused, click here.

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Fool Me Once

Dear Tim Cook,

The third Apple piece of shit iPhone that I’ve had to replace in the last 3 1/2 years crapped out on me today.  The Third.  In under 3 1/2 years?  Double shame on me Tim.

Frankly Tim, I smell a rat.  How come whenever I have to drive 30 minutes to the Apple store then wait 30 minutes to be seen despite my appointment all the while watching a bazillion blue shirts just standing around, there is never an easy fix?  Why am I told that for $150 dollars, I can get a refurb older piece of shit to replace the latest brand new one that I bought less than a year and a half before? I think it’s a little fishy that it falls just shy of my 2-year contract period, so I have to shell out even more for a new one.  Every Single Time.

Why for God’s sake, can’t you ever fix them?  Or here’s an idea…why don’t you actually put out a product that, I don’t know, is truly worth what you ask for it AND works for more than a minute?  While we’re at it, why don’t we talk about the shitty accessories you give away with them?

I’m sure you don’t give a rat’s ass Tim about me or my rant, but I am never EVER giving one thin dime to your company again.  I’m saying Good Riddance to an underwhelming hunk of garbage.  Your features are archaic and clunky, the apps are useless and your camera is truly pathetic.  My very first Polaroid took better pictures.  It was a Barbie edition, and I was 7.

Sincerely,

Going to be Getting an Android Very Soon

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