Tag Archives: garden
My friend Sue gave me a 6 foot snake last year for my birthday.
So, I brought it home and showed Ted and then a bunch of inappropriate snake innuendo jokes about snakes, trousers and rabbit holes ensued. Because we are still 12. But, we really didn’t give the idea that an inflatable snake would really keep Thumper and his brood out of our garden a lot of credence. I mean if a Dragon and the 20 cats that roam the neighborhood can’t manage it, what was a fake snake going to do?
If you are my Facebook friend, then you know that last weekend we installed tomatoes, peppers and beans here at GrowDammit Central. And true to form, the herd of cottontails that have their warren in the neighbor’s yard, started to take notice of the new source of dinner. So, we thought why not? Let’s bring out the big guns and see what is what. The worst thing that could happen would be that Sue would get her money back.
We’ve moved him around the garden perimeter for the past few days. It’s kind of off-putting when you see him out of the corner of your eye. The best is that we haven’t seen hide nor hare.
When the spawn asked if it was working, Ted told him that a leaf wouldn’t even fall in the yard. Sorry Sue.
Feel free to leave any snake innuendo jokes you might have in the comments.
Or, is it getting our Mayo on? Either way, we had…
Stay tuned because tomorrow night we will have some of the same fixin’s with different proteins. The spawn abandoned us for May 5th, so we gotta do a May 6th. Kentucky Derby, Kentucky Schmerby spawn. Sexto de Mayo?
That sounds all kinds of wrong.
Wrong on so many levels…
So, on our day trip yesterday Ted and I were walking down the street and passed a toy store with sock monkeys in the window. And we proceeded to have a conversation that I would have never imagined I would ever possibly have in a million years.
Ted: Hey, do you remember when we were kids and the boy sock monkeys had a dick?
Me: Nuh-Uh. You are lying.
Ted: Yeah man. They came with a little pair of shorts, and when you pulled them down his dick popped up.
Me: I have never heard of such a thing. You are trying to pull one over on me.
Ted: I swear to God. I had one.
Me: You had a boy sock monkey…with a penis?
Ted: I sure did.
Me: Right. I wasn’t born yesterday Ted.
Ted: The girl monkeys had vaginas. I didn’t have one of those.
|Apparently, I WAS born yesterday.|
|Not only a vagina, but boobs too.|
As if these aren’t bad enough. Googling this subject found…
|I pity the FOOL.|
|I have a feeling this might keep me up at night.|
Next…My ass dress. Boy, this blog has gone WAY off topic.